“Never let the truth, get in the way of the facts.”
Farley Mowat
Ten years ago I embarked on a journey. I have the privilege of saying – I love what I do. That doesn’t mean it has been easy. The choices we make come with a cost – sometimes financial, sometimes emotional, sometimes physical & sometimes all three.
Collecting a Year of Thought is the fourth anthology of images, thoughts and quotes from last year’s newsletters.
Read & share the PDF version of the ebook >> http://thenaturalleader.local/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/AYearofThought2013_eBook.pdf
To read previous eBooks visit >> The Collections
The legendary cellist Pablo Casals was asked why he continued to practice at age 90. “Because I think I’m making progress.” he replied.
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“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”
Annie Dillard
You are buckled in, you notice the flight attendant going through the motions of the safety demonstration. The short delay announcement frustrates you and yet you find yourself gripping the armrest as if the plane relied on this very effort to lift it off the tarmac.
Relax. Statistically you are more likely to get struck down as a pedestrian than die in an airplane.
Our irrational fear of flying was the topic of Michael Enright’s radio interview with Author and First Officer Patrick Smith. Smith suggests the fear is normal and natural, admitting there is something about being thousands of feet above the ground moving at hundreds of miles an hour that generates fear for anyone from passenger to pilot. As inherently unsafe as it may sound, flying has been engineered to be the very opposite.
Enright’s questions clearly reflected his own fear of flying, suggesting Smith’s version of a near miss sound more like a near hit. Smith offers that our fear of flying is more likely the result of an over active imagination, interpreting what we hear from the media rather than one based on facts.Smith dubs this the PEF or Passenger Embellishment Factor. The PEF exaggerates a 20 foot drop in altitude to thousands, a 20 degree bank turns into 60 and a lightening strike becomes a ball of light dancing down the aisle.
PEF easily translates to the Participant Embellishment Factor in The Natural Leader programs. To assess people’s comfort level before entering the arena we always ask. “On a scale of one to ten, one being fearful, ten meaning you might have experience with horses and are quite comfortable with the prospects of the day. What is your comfort level working with a horse?” The number of zero’s and negative numbers we have encountered of late is somewhat unsettling.
What I have noticed, rarely is there a bad experience to go with that fear, the horse simply represents an unknown. So the idea has worked them into such a state they hadn’t slept or were physically ill at the prospect of the day. Their imagination has filled in the blanks and created the “What if” scenarios for this large and powerful animal.
While the work with horses allows people to experience Leadership moments at the threshold of their comfort zone, fear can get in the way of that opportunity. Our goal is to ensure each person is supported through their learning experience in a manner that suits them best. The sessions often give participants a better understanding of when their fears of failing, or falling, are holding them back as leaders.
I have gained a lot of experience on managing fear around horses. You can’t simply tell someone “Don’t be afraid”, however we can provide information that is relevant and immediate, setting a goal that is attainable. So we start with breathing.
When we are fearful we tend hold our breath in anticipation. Our focus of attention is on the future not the present so we are rarely able to respond to the moment. Focusing on breathing helps people remain in the present so they can recognize and assess the physiological response they are experiencing. Once they notice what is happening in their body they are more likely to be able to name it and therefore manage the emotions associated with the feeling.
One reference tool we have used in our programs is The Awareness Wheel, adapted by Jacques & Associates from the work of Miller, Wackman, Nunnally and Saline. The tool helps bring forward a dialogue on what has generated a reaction or an emotion so we might be more thoughtful in our response. Getting participants to focus on their breath helps them become more present to what might be actually happening in the present.
So the next time you find yourself gripping the armrest like everyone’s life depends on it, remember to breathe. Relax your body and your mind so you can actually enjoy the flight.
CBC Radio Interview >>http://www.cbc.ca/player/Radio/The+Sunday+Edition/Segments/ID/2416721253/
Photo: Oliver getting his Ya Ya’s out before I get on!
It should have been easy. The idea was simple enough, get Gabe used to stuff happening around him.
I have learned how complicated simple can be. Now well past ninety days, we continue one step at a time working through the Tarp Challenge. Gabe remains hesitant about the blue tarp, but what has changed it is that it is no longer about getting him used to the tarp. It is now about how I offer the information and allow him the opportunity to interpret my intention. To a horse everything means something and nothing, means nothing. We are getting closer to nothing.
Horsemanship is a journey and each day with Gabe, each session with people I learn more about how I present myself. Through recent programs leadership presence has been the focus of conversation. We begin each session asking what would each individual like to get out of their day, defining a goal for themselves. We hear a lot about what they would like to see in their staff, changes in how their communication is received or thoughts that relate to getting others to perform their best, for some it is a challenge to get them to see the role they play in that outcome.
It takes seconds for a horse to figure out a person’s “I statement”. However, having the human articulate it plainly and clearly is another story. When they find it, it is gold for us in the arena.
To be honest it really doesn’t matter whom I pair with who or what activities we have planned for a sessions. The horses simply do what they do and the people will say the the most amazing things. I so love to hear it when someone simply states what they need to do differently as a result of the interactions with the horse. What was challenging for them to articulate in the classroom rolls off their tongue in the arena.
I am so proud of my horses. They do not just tolerate another human on the end of the lead line, but they share with them something that becomes so profound. I know that person is leaving with a whole new perspective on what leadership presence means to them.
Just as it is no longer about getting Gabe used to the commotion going on around him, but rather about how “I can support and help Gabe understand that he can trust me through whatever may be happening around us.” I still want Gabe to accept a blue tarp, but it is what I am willing to do in order for him to get there that makes the difference.
What’s in it for me? Immense satisfaction on what I can accomplish if I set my heart and mind to something.
A current trend in hot yoga studios is the 30 day challenge. No I have not committed to a yoga challenge, but I did create one of my own. The Thirty Day Tarp Challenge.
Not having experienced anything quite like Gabriel presented, I missed what my horse had been trying to tell me. Stumped as to what to do next, I sought the expertise of others.
The problem becomes who is the right expert? There are a LOT of experts out there with differing opinions on each. The guy I selected has decades of experience starting thousands of colts and having studied with many of the same horsemen I admire. I thought I had found the perfect solution. I also assumed he would be a good teacher.
He got the job done! I saw a big change in Gabe and our first ride was amazing. In typical cowboy fashion, he is a man of few words so my instruction was “Ride him”. On the surface all appeared well, I believed it would progress from here on in.
While those first rides truly did feel great, once home there was always a slight feeling of what if. In the hands of a very experienced horseman, Gabe had become compliant, but if I was at all tentative he would shut down. The subtle progressed and in a few short rides we were back to where we’d been at before I’d asked for help. There I was on the ground looking at Gabe’s belly, again!
Gabriel had mastered the art of compliance. Had he stayed with the horseman he may well have progressed along the continuum from compliance to engagement, but with me back at the helm progress stalled. Gabe had learned to tolerate things at least until the point where he could no longer. So the moment I created any feeling of doubt, well that was all he needed.
The experience has had me thinking a lot about how we engage consultants to fix problems in the workplace. In our efforts to find a quick solution, get back to doing business and the ever important quest for increased revenue, we hire others to fix a problem. While I know I needed help, what was more important was what I needed to do once the “new program” was implemented.
That is where mentors and coaches are invaluable. Someone to bounce an idea off of when you are not sure what to do next. I too have found the support I needed and the tarp challenge is one of the tactics to help me through the process of change. I now know the right questions to ask and more importantly how to recognize the precise moment when Gabe shifts from compliance to understanding. The moment of engagement.
We are still at the point that had initially stumped me. I just better recognize that the process of engagement is not an end result but a continuum. To quote a good friend and horseman Paul Mitchell “30, 60 or 90 days may be great terms in the money market, it means little to a horse.”
I now know it will simply take as long as it takes, the number of days may simply be a measure. As we near sixty Gabriel is engaging with whatever I ask of him but we are not there yet. Some days it feels like we take a few steps back, but the more I listen to what he is telling me and continue to ask the right questions, we are making great progress. Hard to believe that a tarp would make a horse lighter to ride but that simple challenge is removing the question of doubt in my ability to lead.
The challenge is of course more for me than it is for him. It is about me making the commitment to work through a problem without looking for the quick fix. The benefits have been many our relationship is improving, I better understand where his edges are and how to help him through the hesitation and like the fitness challenge thirty days of yoga may offer, my arms are also a whole lot stronger!