emotional intelligence

 by Nancy

Own the Feet

North of the 49th parallel the summer days are long and the months all too short but it is the season for my own professional development. Having just returned from four days of riding and learning my head is full as I try to put the feel of the right actions in my body. This year’s real success, I finally put meaning to the statement “own the feet”.

As someone who believes in the importance of having a relationship with my horses I have always been conflicted about the space between the “relationship aficionados” and the “command control individuals” attracted to the world of horses. Though as I continue to put leadership meaning to my own actions, a new perspective came to light about owning the feet. “Own the feet” defines the leadership role I assume with my horses.

I do believe Ray Hunt coined the phrase and he demonstrated it brilliantly. Putting his own style to Ray’s teaching Buck Brannaman has also mastered the concept. Buck rode three different green colts over the four days of a session I participated in and his ownership of their feet is unquestionable. The relationship absolute devotion. Buck suggested the relationship between horse and rider “is not a dictatorship, but more like an enlightened monarchy”.

It was this perspective that helped make the connection. As a leader we are responsible for the actions of those we lead. So our relationship to the horses feet is not the “I command you to put your feet there” but the “I am responsible for everywhere my horses feet are”.

While Jack and I struggle through the tasks that Buck’s horse appeared to execute effortlessly I realized the harder I tried the more I got in Jack’s way. As I eased off and created a clear vision as to what I was looking for, as I let “the pressure gravity put into my legs” out and we started to move together. We still make the dance look more like a couple of stumbling fools but it is not for lack of trying on Jacks part, it’s my responsibility to get better at feel and timing.

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 by Nancy

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.”
All my very best, Jack Layton 1950-2011

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 by Nancy

Synchronicity

Synchronicity, the experience of two or more unrelated events occuring together in a meaningful manner, happened.

Two recent but separate events connected a few key concepts to a problem I am facing. The first a talk by Judge John Reilly on his book Bad Medicine a reflection of his experience and struggle for justice in a First Nations community, followed by the CBC show Ideas on the drive home.

Judge Reilly spoke of his awakening to the concept of world view throught the tragedy that was occurring in the interpretation of the euro-centric justice system on First Nations communities. While Indigenous people make up 3% of the population of Canada, they represent over 70% of those incarcerated. It was his new found awareness that caused him to challenge and change the justice system for the First Nations community west of Calgary.

The CBC radio segment Ideas, presented a series of life stories by adults with Asperger syndrome, a form of high functioning autism, and their struggle to fit into a societal view of norms. An “Aspy”, as they referred to themselves, process information differently. An example one speaker gave: referring to the noise the fan was making. For many, a noise that wasn’t noticed until pointed out, for a few something they have been concentrating hard to block out so they could focus on the speaker. He suggested an Aspy spends their whole life trying to block out all the other stimuli around them, an exhausting effort.

While one event spoke of the justice system, the other about a physiological or psychological condition both brought together the concept of worldview. The synchronicity, two perspectives offering something unique for a horse I am working with.

Stella has been here since October. What began as a nursing project to heal a badly injured leg has developed into the study of an ultra-sensitive horse. I have had the great pleasure of starting numerous horses now and believe I have come to understand what to look for in a colt as they are developing. Stella (think of the play A Streetcar Named Desire) is not like any of the other horses I have started. While I have had a few suggestions that could profile her according to certain traits, consider a Myers-Briggs for horses, in my view what gets in the way as once defined, the label creates expectations and it becomes easier to broad stroke what may show up.

I believe there are huge advantages to people becoming aware of and reflecting on their own natural tendencies through the various assessment tools. Awareness is the first step in challenging ourselves to step outside of our comfort zone, I have come to understand a lot about myself through these exercises. The profiling tools also help us recognise and respond appropriately to these identified traits in others. The challenge in doing the same thing to a horse is they have no opportunity to respond to that label. They are simply the way they are.

The concept of worldview is not new to me, but the other night I had a whole new understanding as to what it means to me through the work I do. Stella is and thinks like a horse, but rather than one who starts to see a pattern after say two or three times, she will continue to see something different in each effort.

My favourite quote by Temple Grandin one that has gained a whole new meaning with Stella is “we may see the world in color, animals see the world in detail.” What is just a flag, a stick or a rope after a few tries with most horses – is something completely different and still poses a threat to Stella after many. Like an Aspy I believe Stella simply processes the information differently than other horses so she is reminding me yet one more time each horse is an individual. While I remain the same in how I might believe I am delivering the message, the weather might be different, another person present, the laundry on the line all represent stimuli she is processing while I am trying to get her to focus.

As I have added or subtracted elements with Stella I have learned to make no assumptions, take each effort as a new try to help her through each change. The more attention I also pay to the details the quicker we get from one step to the next. While it may have been a different label that caught my attention it was the concept of worldview that changed what I too began to notice. Stella requires that I remained focused on the moment, not distracted by what might show up and flexible to adapt to what does.

Watch Judge John Reilly’s talk “My Aboriginal Education” on TedxCalgary

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 by Nancy

“Emotional intelligence is not something we consider when things are going well but it is something we need when they are not.”

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 by Nancy

Navigating Change

A polynesian mariner navigates the ocean by the clouds, the stars and the sound of the water on the hull of the boat. A horseman pays attention to the ears of the horse to know what to offer next and a CEO assesses the environment to gain information on how to lead an organisation. The mariner and horseman have developed a keen awareness for their surroundings, basing their next move on feel and experience. If only the signals were as clear for the leader!

In “Thoughts on Leadership Today…”. Laurie Maslak, Phd suggests “the Executive and Managers know all the right things to do, they have all been through extensive leadership development programs, but there’s little buy-in (to do the right things in practice)”. It does not appear to be a lack of good leaders, just a lot of good leaders doing bad things. Many offer a multitude of reasons for this: a persistent level of increased stress and growing workloads; working managers who don’t have anyone to delegate work to or continue to believe they can just do it faster; the economic and competitive market pressures; (and finally) the common complaint “there is no time to lead properly”

When people are overwhelmed a natural default is to focus on task versus strategy, a concept that NYTimes columnist, David Brook explored in his recent TedTalk. Brook offers that we have become very good at living by things we can measure such as tactics, skill and safety and not so great at talking about character, emotions and values. We are social animals so we reflect what is going on inside and outside of us but we can only manage what we recognise. He goes further to suggest that good decisions are emotionally based and that wisdom is a reflection of the unconscious mind and our ability to be sensitive, sympathetic and empathetic.

Just as Maslak observed, Brook believes we must get better at talking about what matters to us. We should feel as comfortable talking about love, passion and what inspires us as we do about spreadsheets, resources and markets. We look to those we admire for guidance because leadership “is a practice that requires vigilance, persistence and a constant awareness of self, others, and the environment. Leadership development is both an internal and an external process.”1

Like the mariner who listens to the water to recognise wave patterns or the horseman who spends years observing and working with horses to recognise how body language impacts the horse, leadership requires that we take a step back, spend time contemplating and look within. “Leadership, in its truest sense of the word, is both an internal and an external experience.”2 The rational part of our being sends us to courses, books and experts the imprecise art of leadership comes from within.

Just as the mariner was seeking safe passage for others, the horseman transforming a colt into a dependable riding horse. A leader must be aware of their emotional input and output in order for others to aspire to be their best.

1&2 – Excerpts from Thoughts on Leadership…Laurie Maslak PhD.
more on David Brooks TedTalk
Elizabeth Lindsey & The Ancestral voices of her past TedTalk

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 by Nancy

Certainty vs Conviction

Ask a horseman how to solve a particular problem with a horse, the answer will most likely be “It depends.” If you are someone who wants the certainty of an answer you might find that response somewhat frustrating. While there is much you can be certain about with a horse, a simple answer is rarely one of them. The horse’s lawyer, Tom Dorrance, summed it up nicely “A horse is only afraid of two things, things that move and things that don’t.”

It was a discussion on certainty versus conviction that I had the great opportunity to participate in that brought this months article to the newsletter. It was as if I had engaged two leadership experts for a private session on the question “Who is in charge of my own success?”. Paraphrasing the definition presented “those who work under the idea of certainty believe that what they know or hold is true, working with conviction allows room for a dialogue.”

Certainty is simple and ideas are often presented as right or wrong, this is how it must be done, or as fact. Take for example Bush’s speech to Congress following 9/11 “you are either with us or you are with the terrorists”. A statement not open for debate, you agreed or you were, put simply, the enemy. Certainty offers little room for interpretation and control over the outcome is given to someone else.

On the other hand, conviction offers the position that “I stand for something and feel strongly about it but I’m open minded to hear what you think”. For those who follow something with conviction it is ok to question an idea, challenge an interpretation or include your own perspective. Conviction doesn’t need to be seen as fact but as a view or belief that has worked for you. When you have conviction about something you believe you have control over the outcomes and are willing to engage in a discussion to that end because you own the idea.

A perfect example of people holding belief over their impact on an outcome has recently unfolded half way around the world. For three weeks the Egyptian people acted with the conviction, no longer willing to accept the status quo. The certainty of religion, gender, race and status were not presented as barriers as people took to the streets by the hundreds of thousands, until Mumbarek finally stepped down February 11. What is clear is that each individual took responsibility to play their part in ushering in a new era.

Leadership as demonstrated by Bush’s statement is a command control style it weighs on our fears and expects compliance, in fact the cost of questioning or defiance has already been defined. Leading with conviction requires self awareness and authenticity, in Egypt’s case it was one individual inspiring and convincing another that change was possible. It was truly authentic and collaborative leadership in action.

The difference between the two for either horsemanship or leadership comes down to those who are self aware and authentic about what they desire to learn and offer. Learning from one teacher or the other can simply help complete the picture we are creating for ourselves. I choose to follow my horsemanship path with conviction I present the best offer to my horse, I try and maintain a fair approach, I work hard to manage my emotions and I continue to explore ideas and environments where I can be my best. Of that, you can be certain.

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 by Nancy

Fuel for Desire

You can cover a lot of topics in a six hour drive, it was however a conversation about risk that has lingered. The idea that something to be avoided by one individual is fuel for desire in another.

I previously explored the notion of intrinsic or extrinsic reward in The Motivation to Change recognising that which motivates one individual might not apply to another. Risk taking has both intrinsic and extrinsic value. The ability to take a risk is always identified as an important leadership quality, yet it is more often than not viewed in a negative light.

Our capacity to see the opportunity in risk is defined by our personality, emotional strength, experience and our resilience. Managing risk successfully is a fine balance of all those qualities, lacking one or more can give us an over inflated view of our abilities resulting in risky behaviour.

It was the latter condition that was of concern for my traveling companion, Bette. The founder of Highbanks Society, Bette works with young mothers who may be there because of risky behaviour. Bette feels the challenge guiding young moms to make better decisions and see the consequences of their actions. It was especially poignant for Bette as one graduate of their program had taken on a job as a bicycle courier in downtown Calgary.

The young girl had only seen the opportunity in taking the risk not evaluating the cost of the risk as it related to being a mother, Bette was reflecting on all the life experience that suggested otherwise. The older we are the more we rely on our experiences and what we have learned through them. A challenge I have often heard in working with younger people is simply they have yet to benefit from experience and the learning that can come from it.

Recognising some personalities are drawn to the risk of experience more than others and providing an outlet for it is the basis of experiential learning programs. Providing a supportive environment for experimentation, reflection, adjustment and repetition is where we learn what our capacity and resilience for risk is. Experiential learning is also the foundation for leadership and team learning programs with horses.

Risk and opportunity are two things that go hand in hand working with horses. However, horses make it very clear that when you step too far outside our own comfort zone they rarely are willing to pick up the slack. Knowing how far you can go to push the boundary is where change happens, where the idea of taking a risk becomes a reward in itself.

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 by Nancy

“The degree of integrity that each of us can bring to the surface, the depth of character that we can summon for the question on how we change is already defining us as individuals… It will profoundly affect those who inherit the results of our decisions.”
Chris Jordan, TedTalks

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 by Nancy

“If a person prepares ahead of time,
then he has lots of time to get the job done. But if you wait until the last moment, sometimes it’s too late.” Ray Hunt“

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 by Nancy

Is there a Drama Queen on Your Team?

Ever worked with a drama queen? You know the one who has a knack for creating a crisis or constantly seems to be at the epicentre of chaos?

My drama queen? A 16 year old female, the key difference just might be, my drama queen is a horse. Despite the years of experience, wisdom and leadership skill I have gained, Zoe is very good at sucking me into her emotional vortex. Always ready to teach me something new, Zoe pointed out my default to manager when she most needed, a confident and clear leader.

It was a familiar ride down a road we have traveled a thousand times, yet every bush, sound and falling leaf became a serious distraction. I was so busy managing all the “Ya But’s” and “OMG’s”, we surely would be in a froth by the time we hit the small stand of aspens a kilometer into the ride.

As the emotion of frustration rose in me – it dawned on me, Zoe was doing exactly what she ALWAYS did, and I was responding just as I always had. I was so busy managing and worrying about another exhausting ride that I was blind to what I was doing in the moment.

Thinking back on all the clinics, horsemanship tips and leadership knowledge I have gained over the years, many things came to mind. The thought that rang true “the horse will keep you busy if you don’t keep them busy”. It was my job to get her focused – I had to have a clear vision for both of us. I had to give her something more compelling to help her be successful. As I started asking questions, the frantic jig turned into sidepassing, backing and repeating patterns. We stopped, teetered back and rolled over on the haunches each task bringing us ever closer to that terrifying stand of trees. The occasional distraction reappeared, but when her head bobbed up and neck stiffened I found something new for her and we started the whole process again.

The ride that began feeling like I needed every ounce of my strength, was changing. As Zoe started to see a purpose to my requests she engaged with her responsibilities. She started finding the answers to my questions with less and less effort. The ride became less like work and more enjoyable, for both of us. We were beginning to dance to the same tune.

In the midst of that foreboding stand of trees I could feel her look to me for direction. With the lightest go forward request, we moved off. From the road we traveled onto the quarter section stubble field. We circled at a walk, trot and a lope, the open space no longer daunting. She was soft, we backed turned and then the biggest reward of all, we walked home, loose reins swinging in time with her stride.

As a manager she had kept me busy, as a leader I was able to help her focus and together we accomplished far more. Here’s to recognising the drama queen on your team can actually help you be a better leader!

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